So what is it that makes us feel as though we have it all together as a mum? What is it that if we attain it will make us feel worthy? What is it, at the end of the day, that makes us feel like we were a ‘good mum’ today? We say it it all the time to those around us, ‘Oh you’re such a good mum!’ But what is the criteria? It’s like the mum club have these unspoken rules – these dos and don’ts of what is acceptable and appropriate behaviour for a mother.

My day started around 5am. There was coaxing to try and get our little 10 month old back to sleep – to no avail! Daddy took him for a run and the big kids watched ABC Kids while I dozed in bed until about 6am! Uh oh – TV time, not quite sure if that fits the criteria of a ‘good mum’!

Downstairs for breakfast and our day begins. There is washing to be done, dishwasher to be unstacked and repacked, teeth to brush, hair to comb, faces to wash, food to prepare. So. Much. Food. Prep. Clothes to be put away, nappies to change, clothes to iron. When does it end?

Before I know it it’s 2:45pm and there isn’t much to account for. I don’t think I’ve really sat down and played with my kids all day. I certainly haven’t provided them with deep intellectual activities to stimulate their growing minds. We have made pizzas for dinner, packed away toys, made new friends, shared meals together, bargained, negotiated, battled, hugged. There have been tears and tantrums, smiles and songs; but we are nearing late afternoon and if I’m marking myself on this elusive criteria I don’t know how well I’m faring.

Some of us have this idea, this concept, that we must be constantly interacting with and entertaining our children. We must be teaching them new concepts, stimulating their minds, creating wonderful learning experiences for them and making headway on the fundamentals of literacy and numeracy. These are all great things! Don’t get me wrong; what a rich learning environment for our children if our day was made up of each of these things. But the reality is there are many more things we must do in the day than simply entertain our children. Do you know what? These things also provide a platform for many rich learning experiences! We just tend to give ourselves the guilt trip and put ridiculous expectations on ourselves of how we feel we should be interacting with out children. What the ‘mum club’ says we should be achieving each day (you know the mum club doesn’t actually exist right?)

I just want to encourage to PLEASE remember that you are enough! It’s healthy for our kids to be bored, to invent their own games, to learn to play independently. Of course we want to provide them with fun activities and wonderful learning experiences. But if they watch Peppa Pig for an hour while we get some washing done, or prepare dinner, or do the folding, or just have some peace for a little while, or do any of the other millions tasks on our list – THAT IS OKAY!!

Tired mumma, anxious mumma, overwhelmed mumma, going stir crazy mumma – YOU ARE ENOUGH. Your kids adore you – and you adore them (except maybe after the tenth cup of water at bedtime!) Practically though, we just can not entertain our kids by spending one on one time with them all day long.

I find the best thing for me and my cherubs is to include them in all the tasks I must do in a day. Naturally I am a more task oriented person as opposed to a relational person. I love people and I love building relationships, but for me – tasks always seem to have the upper hand! I have to consciously put down the task to focus on the relationship. Yes those tasks take a little longer with little people helping but it is so worth it as I get to spend that little bit of extra time with them. We cook together, clean together, do the washing together, sort the toys, do the folding, pack the dishwasher, vacuum the house – together! Yep – we play together too. Sometimes we do craft or paint – but definitely not every day. We practice our sounds and counting and learn our colours – but not every day. Some days we just survive and other days we feel like we are superheroes. Still other days we say things we shouldn’t and doubt ourselves.

But mums – please don’t feel like a failure if you can’t be your child’s constant source of entertainment. Please don’t feel you are missing the mark if you haven’t counted to 100, practiced the alphabet and given your child a quiz on their colours. Mums please don’t feel ashamed if you sat mindlessly while Postman Pat stole your toddlers undivided attention. We can’t do everything and be everything to everyone. We are human, we are pretty awesome – but we aren’t perfect. And the criteria? It’s all a figment of our imagination. Throw the criteria out the window and be a little gracious to yourself. Mumma – you are doing an awesome job, and your babies love you!!